Labor Pains

I was talking to a very good friend of mine this morning about some of the major things going on in my life right now. She said she'd continue to pray and my knee jerk reaction was to balk at that and say that God and I aren't speaking right now. Or rather...I'm talking/whining and He's the Father that's being patient with me while I stomp my feet and throw a fit. She commented that just because I was feeling all the pain of what life's throwing at me doesn't mean that God's not there, that He's not listening, not still loving me. And I KNOW she's right, but still.

Then she said...

"Sometimes we have to endure pain in order to grow and experience God's grace. It's like having kids. If we didn't go through the pains of childbirth we wouldn't have these wonderful babies of ours. They're worth it, ain't they!?!"

I still wanted to argue. And I still wanted to wallow. And object. Cuz...ya know. I'm a human and that's what we do. It's easier to wallow. It's easier to wrap the pain and depressing thoughts around me and have a pity party. I wanted to say...SOMETHING to argue back but I couldn't cuz I knew she was right!!!

So her words continued to eat at me as they sank their teeth in further and further, chewing through my rebellion and whiny brattiness. Started me thinking of labor pains.

My parents had been married for a little while they started trying to have a baby. Month after month after months of trying and still, no baby coming. Then one day my dad came home to find my mom laying in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor.

She almost died.

Turns out that the dr that she'd been seeing for month for her cold symptoms that just wouldn't go away, and assured her repeatedly that she was definitely NOT pregnant, completely missed the fact that she WAS indeed pregnant with an ectopic.

By the time she was rushed to the hospital she was 5 months along.

Many, many months later, when she was finally released from the hospital where she'd been all that time due to so many surgeries to fix all the damage done...that dr was long gone. Skipped outta town never to be seen or heard from again.

Years passed. Numerous failed fertility treatments gave way to pursuing adoption. The were assigned a social worker that took a dislike to them as they were unwilling to play the mind games she wanted them to. She decided instead to run them through the ringer. She stalled their paper work, threw up every obstacle she could, told them she KNEW they would be horrible parents, that no child would EVER bond with them but especially with my mom (and ask ANYbody, she's a very, very sweet lady!!).

They kept going. Persevered through it all. Finally got a new social worker. Things started happening. They were approved. Now the search was on for a child. Some friends told them about a little girl that was available for adoption down in Mississippi. They lived in California. Another obstacle. More red tape. More delays. But the excitement was growing. Their hope was back.

After 10 long years of trying to be parents, on October 16th, 1984 their dream finally came true. They got to meet their little girl for the first time.

I was that little girl.

And I was 10 years old.

The very long, very painful journey that they had to go through was the very journey that enabled them to be the parents that were available to adopt me.

Ten years of trying and they ended up with a ten year old little girl. The irony is never lost on us!!

Oh, and the bonding issues? The ones that that social worker was SURE would be a problem?

Never happened!

From the moment my mom and I met, we were connected, instant bond. Now that I'm a mom I know the feeling of meeting your baby for the first time. Love at first sight. That bond has only grown deeper and stronger over the years. My mom always kids that she'd love to find that spiteful social worker and go 'nah nah nah nah naaaah!' ;)

My side of the story and what all went on in those first 10 years of life...well, that's a story for a different day.

But was it worth it to go through the 10 years of pain and frustration, aching and longing? I speak for myself when I say ABSOLUTELY!!! I know I can speak for my parents when I say again ABSOLUTELY!!!

We recently celebrated my 25th 'birthday'. We always celebrated the day my parents 'got' me as my '2nd' birthday. So while I turned 35 earlier this year, I'm really only 25!!! ;)


Now about that pity party I was throwing myself this morning (and trust me, I DO love a good party!!)

It's gone!!

It left instead the peace that passes all understanding that no matter what lies ahead, no matter the major changes brewing and all the pain and frustration we will endure through all that, it will be worth it on the other side.


One more thing....

God and I are speaking again. ;)